Deadline 14: Peer Review B

And here is my final peer review! I am officially caught up with all blog posts. I reviewed Eren Arbac’s Content Outline.

Audience Question: How did you practice your editorial skills this week in peer review?

Author Response

I reviewed Eren Arbac’s “Content Outline”. I made an outline suggestion. While her outline included a lot, describes a lot of evidence, and included all the elements in the outline, it still needed a little more information. I helped her get ideas on how to expand her ideas by asking questions and by suggesting the inclusion of more evidence, more ideas on how to grab the reader’s attention, and more ideas on how to explain the significance.

Her outline did a grand job of outlining. I understood everything she intended to talk about, everything she intended to use to support her ideas, and how she was going to begin and end her essay.

Deadline 14: Peer Review A

Although my review is late, here is the third of four peer reviews I had to do today. I reviewed Cynthia’s outline.

Audience Question: How did you practice your editorial skills this week in peer review?

Author Response

I reviewed Cynthia Morton’s “Content Outline”. I made an outlining suggestion because her outline seems a little sparse and could use some additions, especially in satisfying the assignment guidelines. Because her essay didn’t include everything explained in the content outline description, I suggested she put in some evidence, ways to grab the reader’s attention, and ways to explain the significance to the reader. I helped her expand her ideas to satisfy the guidelines better.

I like how straightforward her outline was. I could really understand the ideas she was planning on discussing just based off of the the points she included.  

Peer Review B

Two out of four peer reviews down! I have two more until I am completely done with Project 4. Below, I reviewed Ryan Wolf’s video essay which as a very impressive compilation of video clips and photos over which he recorded his voice reflecting on his experience this semester.

Audience Question: How did you practice your editorial skills this week in peer review?

Author Response

I reviewed Ryan Wolf’s “Fine Cute”. Ryan’s video fit the genre conventions excellently but I decided to provide one suggestion that might help him a little bit. I thought it might be a little more engaging if there was some footage of himself talking. While this is not necessarily important to satisfying the genre conventions it might help make his video essay more engaging.

I really enjoyed how seamlessly everything in his video fit together. The various video clips and photos all related to what he was saying and looked like professional footage. It was very enjoyable to watch.

Peer Review A

As I am approaching the end of English 109H, I am approaching the end of Project 4 which means more peer review! I have one from Deadline 14 to catch up on but I am working on finishing all this up first. So here is my review of Sarah Hansen’s video essay.

Audience Question: How did you practice your editorial skills this week in peer review?

Author Response

I reviewed Sarah’s “Fine Cut”. I chose to make a copy-editing suggestion. I suggested she include a video clip from an outside source that might better fit the genre conventions. Right now, her video essay is solely footage that she has created. So my suggested might help her work better fit the genre conventions and add some pizzazzz.

I absolutely loved the footage Sarah created. It was so funny, engaging, and creative. I never would have thought to make a movie like that!

I love how you show how your writing process evolved! All the little movie like clips that sort of tell a story are super. They’re really funny and engaging. It might be helpful to use some sources from an outside source like a gif or a movie clip or something like that but you do a really great job of interestingly presenting the issue.

Editorial Report B

Now, to edit my final piece of my video essay script, here is a section on public speaking. I mostly worked on the introduction to the ideas and adding some extra content.

Audience Questions

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

Author Response

1. I added a lot of introduction and content. I talked about my past experience with public speaking and explained more specifically how that changed throughout my involvement in English 109H. By adding more context, I made the significance of the progress I made more apparent to the viewer.
2. The form mostly changed in length. I also added an introduction. This gave the viewer a bit better of a transition from the last section.

Selection from Rough Cut:

Public speaking is a skill that’s devlopment was woven throughout each project. The most development happened during project two. Throughout interviews and recording my voice I had to work a lot on showing confidence through my voice even if it wasn’t actually there. As public speaking is an important professional skill, this is yet another thing that’s going to help me throughout my professional career.

Re-Edited Selection:

Although public speaking has never been something I have been scared of or had a great deal of anxiety about, it has also never been something I am good at. I get side tracked, tell irrelevant stories, start to say things and stop mid sentence - basically, I’m a mess. Even if this inability to speak publically hasn’t bothered me much, it’s not conducive to a professional career. My development of this skill throughout english 109h was woven throughout each project. However, the most development happened during project 2. Throughout interviews and recording my voice I had to work a lot on showing confidence through my voice even if it wasn’t actually there as well as speaking in cohesive sentences. Presenting yourself well is an important career skill. Public speaking goes right along with that. This is yet another thing that’s going to help me throughout life.

Editorial Report A

I have already made my video essay so I am going to go back and re-record over the voice memos I had before. I also didn’t get any peer review feedback so I didn’t have any comments to base my revisions off of. The revsions I made are local but I think they helped my essay do what I was trying to get it to do.

Audience Questions

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

Author Response

1. I added some introduction into this paragraph that relates it more to the picture that is shown while the recording plays. It just didn’t really make sense. So I made it make more sense. I also added some extra explanation and analysis.
2. The only way the form really changed is by adding length to the section and adding an introduction to the rest of the paragraph. This helped transition from the paragraph before and relate to the image on the screen.

Selection From Rough Cut:

I used to go off of one idea and dive into an essay with little to no planning. This never turned out well. I had poorly written essays or long and intensive editing processes. Using outlines before starting essays has added a step to my work processes which gives me a chance to reflect on and revise my ideas before they turn into an essay. Outlines have helped me become more a more proactive and intelligent writer.

Re-Edited Selection:

Like the cat captured in this photo, I have experienced a great deal of frustration. This frustration has come mostly from the way that I approached writing. I used to go off of one idea and dive into an essay with little to no planning. This turned out one of two ways: one, I had poorly written essays, or, two, I had long and intensive editing processes because the first draft of my essay was so unplanned. Now that I have been using outlines to plan work, my experience with writing has changed. This has added a step to my work processes which gives me a chance to reflect on and revise my ideas before they turn into an essay. Outlines have helped me become more a more proactive and intelligent writer.

Open Post to Peer Reviewers

I have finished my script and am now working on sound effects and visuals. As I work on that I hope to get some feedback on how well my script fits into the video essay genre. This is definitely the genre I am most uncomfortable in so I’m hopeful to get some suggestions on how to improve that.

Edit: I added the video but it's formatting is slow so I'm working on finding a better means of video editing.

Audience Question: What are you anticipating the post-production process to be like, based on what you accomplished during the production phase?

Author Response

Explain, with some specificity, your thoughts and feelings about the following:

• Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know

I am still adding in video clips and sound effects and all that jazz. This is a draft of the video essay script. I am also still adding in a few things here and there so the content is changing.

• Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)

I am aware of its lack of fitting into the genre conventions because of its lack of clips and visuals. But I’m not sure about how well it fits into the genre as far as word choice, tone, and whatnot go. I would love feedback on how interesting it is in regards to genre conventions.

• Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)

At this point I’m not sure. I think it’s engaging and involves the viewer but I still think it could use a lot of improvement. I’m pretty content with the global idea communicated but I could use some help with local revisions.

Here is my rough script.